she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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