i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
