Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
