Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
