Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Can Purell be used as lube?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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