I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
