New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
