Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
