i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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