I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
