My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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