Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
