i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
