they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
