I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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