yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
