bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
BRING THE BAGELS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
