Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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