Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
