we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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