i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
