You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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