We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
