So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
