Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
