I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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