You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
