So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
