I wanna passion pit in your ass
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
