Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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