What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
