I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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