Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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