Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i want to swaddle you in tequila
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
