I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
