Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
