Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize