she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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