My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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