I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
