I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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