I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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