My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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