you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
