dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
