we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
