i already hear my dad disowning me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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