i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
