I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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