I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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