no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
