I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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