Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize