you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
