god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the day after is always just damage control
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
