Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
