I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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