That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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