Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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