Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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