Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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