i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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