So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
