I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
