you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
