I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
