This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
