After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
