I wish my penis had an off switch
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
