had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize