You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
