i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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