Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
