Why does Corona taste like a burp?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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