New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
