Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
