i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
