There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
